I was in Lagos, Nigeria recently and as usual, the topic of marriage and relationships were a constant in most of the conversations I had with different people, from old to young to single to married. There’s some serious pressure from society, and particularly on women, which I have come to realize stems from a consideration for social status and recognition in terms of the type of wedding you want or can have and less from the knowledge or desire to find one’s life partner for the accomplishing of one’s purpose in life in accordance to the will of God. People seem to be more concerned with the title of husband or wife as opposed to the responsibility that actually comes with the title.
As a young woman who has been in a long term relationship which is leading to marriage by God’s grace, I have had to really ponder for myself what the purpose of marriage is in God’s perfect plan as well as the role I would have to play in the life of the man who would eventually become my life partner. Emphasis on life because personally I don’t support divorce except of course on the biblical grounds of adultery and/or if a threat to one’s life arises as a result of domestic violence. Honestly, once you strip out the fairy tale weddings and the idea that you’re somehow better than the single girls, we as women have a serious role to play in the life of the men we choose or agree to do life with. I’m going to be talking specifically to you ladies in this post, but men feel free to read on.
Where the Bible says, “He who finds a [true] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22 AMP), this isn’t talking about a man just finding someone who he can put a ring on her finger. A man needs the woman God designed specifically for him if he is going to achieve his God-given goals and this is emphasized in 1 Corinthians 11:9 which says, “…man [was not] created on account of or for the benefit of woman, but woman on account of and for the benefit of man.” Before jumping into marriage, women, we need to be fairly certain with some conviction that the man we are about to be yoked with is the man that God designed us specifically for and we also have to come to terms with what that kind of commitment actually entails. Being called a wife and actually being a wife are two separate phenomena. Men need us more than we need them that’s why in the garden of Eden God looked at Adam and said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him..” (Genesis 2:18 KJV).
Brief lesson for you: After some research, unverified I might add but makes sense nonetheless, I found out that “help meet” comes from the Hebrew words:
- “ezer” commonly translated as “to help” but actually comes from two meanings “to rescue” and “to be strong” and;
- “k’enegdo” commonly translated as “meet for” or “fit for” but this word apparently appears only once in the whole Bible making it harder to certainly translate. However, a certain author Diana Webb explained that the word “k’enegdo” could also mean “in front of” or “opposite“
The understanding of all this is that Eve, who is representative of all women, was never designed to be just like Adam but rather she was designed to be some sort of mirror opposite of him, possessing the qualities and attributes that he lacked. She was essentially a spiritual equal with a similar level of power but very different in its nature. Meaning, when they come together the effect is to become one through the combination of their strengths and weaknesses, each other making up for where the other lacks. This must be why the Bible says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 AMP). Being a wife is not a role to be taken lightly because, as with every other talent and blessing bestowed on us, God is going to ask us one day what we achieved with all He had made us responsible for.
I always refer to the woman described in Proverbs 31 from verse 10 to the end of the chapter. She is just amazing and a perfect and very achievable example of God’s ideal woman for every deserving man. Verse 10 says, “A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.” This is not to be read in the literal sense of perhaps being a good homemaker or even falling within the category of many women as described in verse 29 who are rightfully noted as virtuous and noble on account of their good character and being steadfast in goodness. What truly makes a woman far above rubies is her reverential and worshipful fear of the Lord (verse 30) which is in her spiritual and practical devotion to God which permeates every area and relationship of her life. After all, “The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning (the chief and choice part) of Wisdom…” (Proverbs 9:10 AMP). Who wouldn’t want such a treasure in their chest?
Lastly, I came across 1 Peter 3:1-7 (do read this, please) which details how women should act in marriage to their husbands and six of those verses were for women.To me, this was very significant because it was another reminder of how much responsibility God is entrusting us with as women, and how seriously we need to be good stewards of this responsibility. Women, we cheat ourselves way too much by allowing the world to deceive us into thinking we always have to settle for what’s available rather than trusting God to perfect His plan concerning us. A nice ring and a beautiful wedding are great but they are not the end goal. What’s more important to God is how that man became better and fulfilled his God-given purpose, after you were added to his life.
Am I making any sense to any women out there? I would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially my married ladies.
’cause it’s The Steph Way