At dinner on Tuesday, a friend-turned-older-sister enlightened me on something that we are often quite careless about when we speak or ask about it: pregnancy, especially when talking to married couples without children.
There were three of us at the dinner table: me and the other two who are fairly newly married, i.e. within the last two years and might I add, both loving it! In the course of conversation, I posed the question quite casually, “So which one of you is going to give me my godchild first?”. Now, because they are my friends, I didn’t think twice about asking this question but my FTOS was quickly kindly explained to me why such questions shouldn’t be tossed around lightly, especially from people who aren’t yet married.
To be honest, I had a pretty good idea as to her point of view even before she spoke further on this. Most unmarried people, myself included, will not be able to fully comprehend the challenges that come with wanting to have a child and actually trying to conceive. It is not a bad thing to ask your friends when they are gonna pop kids out but we often fail to appreciate that the reason they might not be pregnant or have a kid yet might be due to certain difficulties they might be facing as part of the conception process. It is so easy to assume that the natural order of things always happens that way.
She pointed me in the direction of the very inspiring Okiki Marinho whose interview was featured on [btn text=”Bella Naija” tcolor=#0000FF bcolor=#F2F2F2 link=”http://www.bellanaija.com/2015/06/01/lost-fallopian-tubes-ivf-watch-designer-okiki-marinhos-brave-journey-to-being-a-mum/” target=”_blank”]. To summarise, within her first four years of marriage she got pregnant thrice and each time, the pregnancies were ectopic pregnancies which saw her eventually lose both her Fallopian tubes. Now she is on an IVF journey, remaining courageous and hopeful that she will give birth to her own child. This story moved me because it’s not something many women will want to share and I know she’s not the only one to go through this kind of ordeal. This is just one type of complication that slows down conception and child birth aspirations.
It just really challenged me to be more sensitive when throwing out questions to women who are yet to have their children, after they get married. Many women put on a brave face but who knows what sensitive spot our queries might be touching in them! It’s bad enough they get pressure from parent-in-laws and even their own parents. The last thing they need is anymore outsiders reminding them of what they might have to deal with. You don’t have to know if something is wrong or not but if you really want to know, it is best to speak to a friend in private and in a more sensitive manner, just in case it is a touch subject for them.
And to women who are believing in God for the fruit of the womb, I cannot pretend to even understand how you must feel and I have no way of guaranteeing that it will all turn out as you hope, but I can offer words of encouragement in the best way I know how. I pray that God hears your cry for your own child as He heard and answered the prayers of many women in the Bible like Sarah and Hannah who God rewarded their faith and steadfastness with their heart’s desires. In the event that you do not carry your own child, remember that you can still be a mother to many children in the world looking for a family to love them. Ultimately, God’s perfect will be done in your life and you will know boundless joy. Amen!
Until then, I challenge you to remember that regardless of the outcome, His plans for you are definitely for good and not of evil and it will surely bring you to an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).
God bless you always,
The Steph Way