Steph’s Asking: Should I Have Gone Clubbing?

I’ve been struggling with myself since Friday night so I thought I’d put this out there for you guys to communicate your thoughts with me.

This past weekend, I went clubbing on Friday night and on Saturday I went for games at a friend’s house as well as a house party on Saturday night. Busy weekend, I know. Well, I’ve been feeling a bit off since then because I just felt like maybe I shouldn’t have gone clubbing. Mind you, I’m not even in the least bit fussed about the games night or the house party. Just the Friday clubbing bit and I’ve been trying to figure out what I might have done wrong ’cause I’m just so hung up on it.

Basically, Friday night was for celebrating with my friend for finishing her training contract at a top London law firm and also her pending move out of the UK. When I initially found out clubbing was on the agenda after dinner, I already told myself I wasn’t gonna go but on second thought, I loooove to dance and the music genre was going to be predominantly Afrobeats so I thought “hey! what’s the harm in shaking a leg or two, given that the last time I had a proper night out was in May last year for a friend’s birthday?” Of course, none of the girls knew all this was going on in my head apart from my references to me flogging them if I see them twerking to that new Rihanna song people won’t stop shouting about lol.

But since then I’ve been in a constant debate with myself as to whether it was right for ME (not you or anyone else, just me) to have been there. Whilst I didn’t do anything wrong by merely showing up and dancing my joints away with “shoki”, “dabbing”, “harlem shaking” and all the other non-bodily contact dance moves,  I still felt a bit off.

I spoke to a friend about it and his argument was that maybe it was because of the music. For me, it quite simply can’t be that because I listen to Afro-beats when I’m not listening to Hillsong/Bethel Music/Deitrick Haddon/William Murphy and all the other good stuff I can get my hands on thanks to Apple Music (Ha! I wish this was a sponsored advert). Besides, at other gatherings like Christmas parties/balls, games nights, birthday parties in banquet halls/homes, I hear similar music and it doesn’t ever feel like how it felt last Friday night. So I’m ruling the music out.

I didn’t indulge in alcohol that night and even all weekend for that matter, so it can’t be that for me either.

I didn’t “dress to kill”, at least that was not my intention (sorry to anyone who “died” lol). I had on high waisted jeans which covered the cropped bit of my top and flat pumps so really the only skin showing was on my arms and face. I don’t feel any type of way about what I wore so I’ve ruled that out too.

However, being in that environment reminded me of how much I LOVE attention  and how I almost found myself dropping  it low when I heard Bandz A Make Her Dance lol (oops!) but but I was way too aware of myself in any case to let ALL the way loose but…anyway, I digress.

After ruling out all the internal factors,  it hit me: “what would someone who knows and actually respects The Steph Way think if they saw me in here?” Ah yes, I heard you say “Oh please! WHO cares?” Well I do and I’m pretty sure that God and the whole government of Heaven cares tremendously too because IF there was even the one soul who knew me or of me and happened to be inspired by whatever God is doing through The Steph Way and as a result was gearing to give up clubbing as one of their vices in order to get closer to God, I may just have indirectly convinced them to continue in their old ways against their conviction. It’s not even about what they might have seen me doing because I wasn’t doing anything wrong figuratively speaking – I wasn’t drunk or half naked grinding on a guy or any of the other sexually and lust-filled shenanigans that we all see go down in the club. I began to feel like, just the fact that I was actually there was enough to cause conflict for another person…

1 Corinthians chapter 10 verse 23 to 24 (MSG), “Looking at it one way, you could say, “Anything goes. Because of God’s immense generosity and grace, we don’t have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster.” But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.” In simple terms, we have to look out for each other. And if my actions are likely to cause you to regress to what you are trying to move on from, it is part of my love walk and Christian duty to a fellow child of God not to display such actions in close proximity to you so that you do not stumble on account of me.

Let’s be real for a minute guys:  I’d be foolish to live my life as if I didn’t know people were watching me – people seeking answers, people looking for examples of what it looks like to seek God, people looking for consistency to encourage them in their own personal journey of getting to know God – especially to see if my actions matched my words . The Steph Way hasn’t even reached where God is taking it to yet and neither have I but so far, the comments and emails and growing readership gives me a glimpse into how much more God wants this to be – much more than what it is right now to more people than it currently engages with. So on that basis, where do I really get off compromising my perceived integrity and potentially jeopardizing the integrity of this work I believe God has given me responsibility for? I say perceived because perception is really everything for those on the outside looking in.

I’ve been on my John 3:30 grind for quite a while now and perhaps I guess I’m more conscious about being anywhere or doing anything that could affect that.

So what do you think? Do you think you would have judged me for being in the club even if I was just having a good time letting my hair down with my girls? Do you think me being in the club could have sent conflicting messages?

’cause Steph’s Asking

xoxo

 

 

 

8 Comments

  1. Ally March 2, 2016 at 4:45 am

    Hey Steph, thanks for your honesty and genuineness. I don’t think it’s bad that you went clubbing. I just seems to me like the Holy Spirit is convicting you and you’re clearly not comfortable with your actions, and it’s so inspiring that you’re openly talking about it. As a reader of your blog, I don’t judge you.
    Personally, to deal with grey area situations like this, I ask myself a few questions: Will Jesus follow me to the club? Will He dance along with me to this music? Will He be proud of me and nod approvingly? If my answer to any of the questions is not unequivocally yes, then I know that I shouldn’t be there. For the times I fall, grace abounds. But although grace abounds, as Romans 6:1 says, we shouldn’t abuse God’s goodness and then abound in sin.
    Anyway, I hope this was helpful and this post hit me right in the face haha. I feeeeeel you girl!

    Reply
  2. Wura March 2, 2016 at 7:54 am

    Hey Hun! Very interesting read .. I think you need to hear God’s heart on it and also figure out why other “similar” scenarios are not troubling your spirit. I can go ooon on this topic but God gives us all different levels of faith (Romans 12:3) so what convicts one might not convict the other. That being said, I suggest you read 1 Corinthians 8 (with a focus on verses 7-13).

    Reply
  3. Nefstar March 2, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Hey Steph,
    Thanks so much for being so clear and honest with us. As a reader it is absolutely refreshing.
    I can completely understand why you would feel the way you do and it sounds like you’ve thought about it a lot already but what I have to say is this:
    Everyone’s calling is different, and everyone inspires people differently, while you may have made someone that looks up to you and was looking to abandon clubbing change their mind, have you considered that maybe there was also someone who felt like they didn’t stand a chance with God because they go out and have fun and seeing you there would have opened their eyes to the fact that God loves us regardless?
    I’m not saying this is the case, and you know what the spirit is telling you more than anyone else. I for one am mostly inspired by and relate to people who I think are ‘human’. You know that I admire you A LOT, and your walk with God almost tensions mine and constantly makes me feel like I can do better, seeing you in a setting like that even further convinces me that Christianity is for everyone and you don’t need to be a certain way to be blessed, and as you said, you were dressed appropriately, didn’t twerk (LOL) etc etc I.e. You did nothing wrong other than have fun with your girls DESPITE the environment you were in, and for ME personally, that would have inspired me more and made you that much more relatable.

    I’m not saying keep going clubbing, if it doesn’t sit well with you, then don’t do it, but like everything else in life we need to constantly examine why we make the decisions we make.
    I started off at the beginning saying everyone is different because, while I was in A levels I met this woman at church who was just so loud and lively it was infectious it was amazing. Long story short she used to go out a lot, I can’t remember the exact number she quoted of how many people, particularly girls she had converted in the club, but it was a ridiculous! God needs his people everywhere and he uses our personality to do that. If everyone one called by God to change lives did the same thing.. You would reach the same people.

    All I’m trying to say is, while it’s possible you shouldn’t have been there (I think you should have because the fact that this conversation is happening is a sign) or rather, shouldn’t go back for your aforementioned reasons, just be sure that’s why and not just cause it’s unconventional, your calling is way too special for that.

    Peace out and lots of love!
    Xxx

    Reply
  4. Yeka_o March 2, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    Ah the infamous club scene!!! I’ve never been one to go (mainly for hair washing reasons), but the few times I did in undergrad, I felt the exact same way. On one occasion while in the club, the conversation turned to Jesus and some of his teachings and I was like well that’s my cue to leave. How horrible of me to sit here in this unholy place talking about a Holy God. Years down the line, I realize how stupid that was. Jesus didn’t speak to the “saved” more than he did the lost. He didn’t just see an unholy place, he saw an opportunity to build relationships with the tax collectors and other “scums” which eventually led to him teaching. All this to say, what is your intention of going to the club? Is it just to have a good time or to build/foster relationships with people who may never enter your church to hear a good word, but knowing and interacting with you will set the ball rolling? Tough topic, I pray that God helps resolve those feelings of unease

    Reply
  5. Zeezee March 2, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Oh Steph! The struggles of being a Christian young adult/leader in today’s society. James 4:11-12 and Romans 2:1-3 pretty much nails it in this type of situation in respect to other people judging you for being at the club. I think the actual setting of the club atmosphere and what people do there is what your spirit might have been combating against. I have that issue too. I’m just going to the club to dance with friends. I’m not going to do these worldly things and I still feel conflicted. But just from talking to my pastor he explained to me when you go to those places even though your intent is not to participate in the worldly things but you’ve left a window open for the devil to sneak in and stir up something. And can we really win souls for the kingdom when the DJ is playing Rihanna’s Work or they start playing Skelewu or Shoki. As messengers/vessels of God, we have to live a life that reflects God and people who look up to us as mentors and are just trying to start this life with God will not understand that when they are born a new old things (clubs, smoking, excessive drinking, sex etc) have to be left behind and when they see people who are suppose to be their spiritual leaders doing this they backslide. I for one this is something that I struggle with. I love a good dance party girl but I have to not only think about me anymore and whether I am strong enough in my faith to overcome but also I have to think for them and if they are strong enough. We are our brothers keeper so we have to walk the walk together.

    Reply
  6. Zeezee March 2, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    Onyeka, me I completely agree with you. BUT, at the club at what point between the naenae, milly rock, skelewu, 2am last call and 3am closing time are we going to minister to the unsaved souls? I know the bible says there will be rejoice in heaven over one sinner who repents than ninety-nine righteous ones who don’t need repentance. But must we find them at the club and leave that little window for the enemy to fly in???

    Reply
    1. Yeka_o March 4, 2016 at 12:26 am

      Zeezee I understand what you mean. Reality is that we never know what time someone is in need of a shoulder to cry on or a word from a friend. It’s a matter of being ready to be led whenever he calls you whether it’s a club at 2am or a church service at 9am. I personally can’t remember the last time I went to one, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t sending people out to clubs to get that his lost sheep.

      Reply
  7. Ngz March 2, 2016 at 8:44 pm

    hi steph! one thing I learnt about the human conscience/soul is that its a ‘Moralometer’ that is without the need of commandments, it can tell right and wrong … the first time you lie (or anyother sin) you feel that guilt …your heart beats fast, your extremities get cold… but then when you subsequently continue to lie you gradually deaden that moralometer. I personally have no problem with clubs if you act decently but then Just to play safe and not end up killing that Moralometer …take it to God and clarify … do give us a feedback on what he says … xx

    Reply

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