I’ve been struggling with myself since Friday night so I thought I’d put this out there for you guys to communicate your thoughts with me.
This past weekend, I went clubbing on Friday night and on Saturday I went for games at a friend’s house as well as a house party on Saturday night. Busy weekend, I know. Well, I’ve been feeling a bit off since then because I just felt like maybe I shouldn’t have gone clubbing. Mind you, I’m not even in the least bit fussed about the games night or the house party. Just the Friday clubbing bit and I’ve been trying to figure out what I might have done wrong ’cause I’m just so hung up on it.
Basically, Friday night was for celebrating with my friend for finishing her training contract at a top London law firm and also her pending move out of the UK. When I initially found out clubbing was on the agenda after dinner, I already told myself I wasn’t gonna go but on second thought, I loooove to dance and the music genre was going to be predominantly Afrobeats so I thought “hey! what’s the harm in shaking a leg or two, given that the last time I had a proper night out was in May last year for a friend’s birthday?” Of course, none of the girls knew all this was going on in my head apart from my references to me flogging them if I see them twerking to that new Rihanna song people won’t stop shouting about lol.
But since then I’ve been in a constant debate with myself as to whether it was right for ME (not you or anyone else, just me) to have been there. Whilst I didn’t do anything wrong by merely showing up and dancing my joints away with “shoki”, “dabbing”, “harlem shaking” and all the other non-bodily contact dance moves, I still felt a bit off.
I spoke to a friend about it and his argument was that maybe it was because of the music. For me, it quite simply can’t be that because I listen to Afro-beats when I’m not listening to Hillsong/Bethel Music/Deitrick Haddon/William Murphy and all the other good stuff I can get my hands on thanks to Apple Music (Ha! I wish this was a sponsored advert). Besides, at other gatherings like Christmas parties/balls, games nights, birthday parties in banquet halls/homes, I hear similar music and it doesn’t ever feel like how it felt last Friday night. So I’m ruling the music out.
I didn’t indulge in alcohol that night and even all weekend for that matter, so it can’t be that for me either.
I didn’t “dress to kill”, at least that was not my intention (sorry to anyone who “died” lol). I had on high waisted jeans which covered the cropped bit of my top and flat pumps so really the only skin showing was on my arms and face. I don’t feel any type of way about what I wore so I’ve ruled that out too.
However, being in that environment reminded me of how much I LOVE attention and how I almost found myself dropping it low when I heard Bandz A Make Her Dance lol (oops!) but but I was way too aware of myself in any case to let ALL the way loose but…anyway, I digress.
After ruling out all the internal factors, it hit me: “what would someone who knows and actually respects The Steph Way think if they saw me in here?” Ah yes, I heard you say “Oh please! WHO cares?” Well I do and I’m pretty sure that God and the whole government of Heaven cares tremendously too because IF there was even the one soul who knew me or of me and happened to be inspired by whatever God is doing through The Steph Way and as a result was gearing to give up clubbing as one of their vices in order to get closer to God, I may just have indirectly convinced them to continue in their old ways against their conviction. It’s not even about what they might have seen me doing because I wasn’t doing anything wrong figuratively speaking – I wasn’t drunk or half naked grinding on a guy or any of the other sexually and lust-filled shenanigans that we all see go down in the club. I began to feel like, just the fact that I was actually there was enough to cause conflict for another person…
1 Corinthians chapter 10 verse 23 to 24 (MSG), “Looking at it one way, you could say, “Anything goes. Because of God’s immense generosity and grace, we don’t have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster.” But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.” In simple terms, we have to look out for each other. And if my actions are likely to cause you to regress to what you are trying to move on from, it is part of my love walk and Christian duty to a fellow child of God not to display such actions in close proximity to you so that you do not stumble on account of me.
Let’s be real for a minute guys: I’d be foolish to live my life as if I didn’t know people were watching me – people seeking answers, people looking for examples of what it looks like to seek God, people looking for consistency to encourage them in their own personal journey of getting to know God – especially to see if my actions matched my words . The Steph Way hasn’t even reached where God is taking it to yet and neither have I but so far, the comments and emails and growing readership gives me a glimpse into how much more God wants this to be – much more than what it is right now to more people than it currently engages with. So on that basis, where do I really get off compromising my perceived integrity and potentially jeopardizing the integrity of this work I believe God has given me responsibility for? I say perceived because perception is really everything for those on the outside looking in.
I’ve been on my John 3:30 grind for quite a while now and perhaps I guess I’m more conscious about being anywhere or doing anything that could affect that.
So what do you think? Do you think you would have judged me for being in the club even if I was just having a good time letting my hair down with my girls? Do you think me being in the club could have sent conflicting messages?
’cause Steph’s Asking