As God starts to speak to us about our purpose and calling, our instinctual reaction could cause us to respond by pointing out our inadequacies to God – like Moses, when God revealed that He was the one He wanted to use to deliver the children of Israel from Pharaoh: “And Moses said to God, Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” (Exodus chapter 3 verse 11).
This wasn’t coming from a place of humility but rather from a place of self-deprecation. If you know a bit about Moses, you’d know he suffered a speech impediment as well as having major anger issues and there might even have been some abandonment issues in the mix too because His mum did give him up when he was born though it was in a bid to protect him from getting killed.
How many times have we felt God is leading us in a particular direction but because we are focused on our past, our inexperience, physical limitations, inabilities, inadequacies or even our age, we’d assume it couldn’t be us He wants to use? “Can’t God see I’m not the one for this?”
We go through life relying on ourselves so much that we forget that the only Person who truly knows what we are capable of, in Him, is the God who actually created us.
Let’s not even talk about the negative voices all around us: “my boss doesn’t think I do a good job”, “my family doesn’t think I’ll ever amount to much”, “my teachers said I’ll never make it past a certain grade”, “my partner says I’ll never be good enough for anyone”, “my friends think my ambitions are unrealistic” – there’s always something that can rock our confidence and the devil is relying on us to stay down and out every time we feel that rocking because that way, we would never fulfill God’s purpose for us.
I generally consider myself quite a confident person in general but in the last few years, I have had to fight internal battles a lot more than at any other point in my life. I’ve had to deal with feeling like a failure for the last 3 years because I had to retake pretty much every ACA exam I have written since 2013 and because of that I haven’t made any physical progress at work. Honestly, it got quite tough because I really hated the job I was doing and that was also affecting my performance and quite frankly, not helping my professional reputation at all. I had a very short 2 day stint with depression in September 2015 and while continuing to fight anxiety daily and blocking out those voices that tirelessly tried to tell me I just wasn’t ever going to be good enough or even make it. Even as you read this, I’m waiting to hear back on whether I’ll still have my current job because I failed 2 of the 3 exams I sat in July and also got a low rating on my performance in the last year…
Boy! As I write this, my tear ducts have given way to a tear or two or five because even the strongest person has a breaking point…it’s a lot even for me. Nevertheless, I’m a fighter 🙂
Needless to say, my ACA and career journey gets all the credit for bringing me closer to knowing God and ultimately myself. That’s not to say I haven’t committed a few blunders along the way but my experiences in general were in such a way that I knew if I was ever going to survive unscathed, I’d need to cling on to God for dear life.
Now fast forward to the weekend of 6th/7th August 2016 when I got, for the first time in my 25 years of living, some insight on how God might want to use my calling and how that will lead to the fulfillment of my purpose in a way that would touch the lives of others with much impact. Since that day, I have occasionally battled with thoughts of not being good enough or influential enough or even ready for what it would take to be the person God says I can be.
But I’ll tell you what I’ve learnt in my walk with God that I hope you will find to be true for yourself:
- God does not pick us because we are the best person for the job but rather, regardless of whether we are the best person for the job. Where we see our blatant inadequacies, God sees fertile ground for a miracle.
- The stronger the voices of negativity attack my mind, the more I know it’s God’s will otherwise why would it be met with so much opposition? After all, when I want to commit any sin, those opposing voices don’t show up *rolls eyes*
- Being a child of God is both a position of embraced privilege and a process of continuous character refinement. Your experiences in life are neither a waste nor without reason. You just have to work on trusting that God will never-ever-cross-my-heart-cause-I-won’t-die let you down!
And never forget that Scripture holds great truth concerning you, here are a couple of my faves when I begin to feel “less than”:
- For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us]. (Ephesians chapter 2 verse 10 AMP)
- And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. (Romans chapter 8 verse 28 AMPC)
God’s got your back darling,