Just An Honest Post About One Christian Blogger’s Struggle with Pride and Impact-Envy.

“Do not pray to be used like me, or have the same intimacy I have with God, you were made to be you. I am not your standard, Jesus is.” – Nia-Cerise

I am very hesitant as I write this post because it comes from a very vulnerable place but when dealing with the shackles the enemy tries to place on you, then you’ve got to fight with all the weapons in your arsenal.

So I’ve had this blog for 2+ years now and for many of you who have supported from day one (massive thank you!) would know, I started this blog as a gift back to God following my water baptism in 2014. Whilst it has been a safe space for me to share my God-views and God-thoughts and inspire others to pursue relationship with God, it has also been the root cause of silent envy and covetousness in my heart (ugh, I can’t believe I’m about to expose my soul this way!).

For the last year or so, as I became more active on twitter and using it as a field for research on how to make TheStephWay better, I came across the accounts of many other young Christians doing great work for God as they share their testimonies, revelations and God’s heart in the way He has determined only they can do. As I read posts from some of these other oracles of God, the same patterns tend to emerge in me: Inspiration > Pride > Envy > Resentment. 

Why does God use them that way and NOT me?

I’m certainly not here for man’s applause but it sucks when you feel you’re not making the impact you think you should while others are raking up the followers and recognition for the message they carry. It becomes very distracting very soon and then robs me of the truth that I, too, carry an anointing of my own and that my output is measured by God according to the purpose He designed me to accomplish – not retweets and post views.

The reason I started this post with Nia-Cerise’s tweet is because, not only is she one of those people I see having great impact for God [btw she thoroughly blesses me with her personal ministry so a BIG God Bless You if you ever read this darling!] and wonder why “I don’t have the same power” but, her words are also very true – Jesus is MY standard, not her or any other child of God for that matter.

Everyone has that sin that easily weighs them down [the most popular one being with sexual immorality for most] and mine just happens to be mostly along the lines of pride and envy. Thank God that the Holy Spirit convicts me of my sins and helps me repent every time. Have I prayed about it? Yes. But I always seem to be led to 2 Corinthians chapter 12 verses 8 to 9 (AMP), Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me; but He has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.” 

This struggle will still be to the glory of God and it is only by His strength I shall overcome this weakness every time.

I’ve wanted to share this for a very long time but I’m not great with vulnerability and this post actually makes me want to crawl into a hole once I publish it but, taking another page from Nia-Cerise, transparency is a powerful tool against the enemy’s schemes against us.

 

I’ll end this by saying, anyone struggling with pride and envy, dont let that seed grow but instead let the Holy Spirit lead you back to truth every time. And ALWAYS remember that Jesus is THE standard.

Resting in the finished works of Christ,

Steph

xoxo

9 Comments

  1. Onyeka October 16, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    Thanks for being vulnerable. Remember your blog is a seed (a planted one.) Even though you don’t see it, it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t yield fruit. Can’t wait to see the harvest in due time

    Reply
    1. thestephway October 17, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      Girl, definitely a timely reminder on the blog being seed. Must remember not to despise humble beginnings. Expectant of the harvest! Thanks for reading baby girl and appreciate you as my Day 1 of all other day 1s xxx

      Reply
  2. Kachee October 16, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    Steph, I totally totally get you. And yes, that’s one of the ills of social media. We’re almost constantly comparing! And it happens to everyone. The great thing is you’ve realised it and you’re praying about it. Think of it this way, God may have given some people one talent and others 5. The person with one multiplies and gets 2, the person with 5 multiplies and get 10. Being unaware that one has 5 talents, we that are given one tend to feel envious of their own fruit. But the reality is, we have both doubled our gifts. So keep doing your thing. Impact again, is not always about numbers! Xx

    http://www.KacheeTee.com

    Reply
    1. thestephway October 17, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      Definitely – impact is much more than numbers. Just gotta that in mind and find other relevant measures of success for my own calling really. Really good analogy with the talents as well. Thanks for reading boo!

      Reply
  3. Corrine Aideyan October 16, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    Steph I found your account from an old school mate of mine! Onyeka and I followed you on Instagram! Seeing your account brought everything you just wrote about in me. I’ve been dealing with this and it has led me down the path of rebellion but all that has changed. Reading this post just shows that life is a cycle. You looked at nie and felt this while I looked at you and felt this. Tonight I can sleep easy knowing that my standard is Jesus! Thank you for being vulnerable….writing this I am too but we are held bound by the devil by the little cobwebs we keep hidden in us. Thank to for this. Let the light come in!!

    Reply
    1. thestephway October 17, 2016 at 1:04 pm

      Girrrlllll! first of all, thank you for standing with me. It would have been much easier to say “yea Steph we all feel like that” but you stuck your neck out and put yourself on blast like me haha!

      God bless you hun and you’re right, it’s such a [vicious] cycle! But I’m so glad you read this and have been set free from the same shackles that were holding me back.

      I’m all too familiar with that path of rebellion and it’s never fun but as always Jesus is the standard and it is Him we live to serve so keep that in mind and you’ll soar my love.

      Thank you so so much for reading ad commenting so honestly too xxx

      Reply
  4. Nunu October 17, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    omg steph how crazy this is how I feel sometimes when you talk so passionately about Christ and i’m like why don’t I know my scriptures like her or why cant I articulate the word of God like her. I mean the other day I tried to quote the bible to a friend but I couldn’t even finish it because I forgot hahaha I had to paraphrase. Thanks anyways for reminding us that Jesus is the standard and also girl just because you cant see it yet you have no idea the impact your words are going to have in peoples lives.

    Reply
    1. thestephway October 17, 2016 at 4:17 pm

      Haha I love you Nunu! Lol at paraphrasing – gurl as long as you know the message you want to translate God will use it.

      Thanks for the encouragement bubba! Means lots and thanks for the support so far 😀 xxx

      Reply
  5. Ayo October 17, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    Oooh gosh I don’t know where to start, firstly, Nia has been such a HUGE blessing and I am in awe of what she’s doing and the way God is using her. It’s actually incredible! I feel like she lighted a fire regarding the issue of transparency amongst the body of Christ and I’m so glad to see many others (including yourself) following suit.
    Secondly, I’ve been there with comparison, I think particularly when you run a blog/ social media account it’s easy to compare yourself with others and their own progress. It doesn’t help that you can visibly see measures of comparison such as follower count and number of views so I relate to you more than I can tell you! But as you’ve said, being open and sharing your struggle is important! Revelation 12 talks about how we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony! And I’m equally thankful for the Holy Spirit who always convicts us and brings these things to the forefront so that God can work on us and heal us.
    For me personally, I’ve limited my social media time dramatically so I’m not constantly tempted to compare, but more importantly, I hold on to the truth that I’m working onto God and not man, and that has made a HUGE difference in the way I see things. I won’t lie though, I still fall into the trap of envying others but by His grace we shall overcome!
    God bless you Steph x
    http://www.livelystones.co.uk

    Reply

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