“Do not pray to be used like me, or have the same intimacy I have with God, you were made to be you. I am not your standard, Jesus is.” – Nia-Cerise
I am very hesitant as I write this post because it comes from a very vulnerable place but when dealing with the shackles the enemy tries to place on you, then you’ve got to fight with all the weapons in your arsenal.
So I’ve had this blog for 2+ years now and for many of you who have supported from day one (massive thank you!) would know, I started this blog as a gift back to God following my water baptism in 2014. Whilst it has been a safe space for me to share my God-views and God-thoughts and inspire others to pursue relationship with God, it has also been the root cause of silent envy and covetousness in my heart (ugh, I can’t believe I’m about to expose my soul this way!).
For the last year or so, as I became more active on twitter and using it as a field for research on how to make TheStephWay better, I came across the accounts of many other young Christians doing great work for God as they share their testimonies, revelations and God’s heart in the way He has determined only they can do. As I read posts from some of these other oracles of God, the same patterns tend to emerge in me: Inspiration > Pride > Envy > Resentment.
Why does God use them that way and NOT me?
I’m certainly not here for man’s applause but it sucks when you feel you’re not making the impact you think you should while others are raking up the followers and recognition for the message they carry. It becomes very distracting very soon and then robs me of the truth that I, too, carry an anointing of my own and that my output is measured by God according to the purpose He designed me to accomplish – not retweets and post views.
The reason I started this post with Nia-Cerise’s tweet is because, not only is she one of those people I see having great impact for God [btw she thoroughly blesses me with her personal ministry so a BIG God Bless You if you ever read this darling!] and wonder why “I don’t have the same power” but, her words are also very true – Jesus is MY standard, not her or any other child of God for that matter.
Everyone has that sin that easily weighs them down [the most popular one being with sexual immorality for most] and mine just happens to be mostly along the lines of pride and envy. Thank God that the Holy Spirit convicts me of my sins and helps me repent every time. Have I prayed about it? Yes. But I always seem to be led to 2 Corinthians chapter 12 verses 8 to 9 (AMP), “Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me; but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.”
This struggle will still be to the glory of God and it is only by His strength I shall overcome this weakness every time.
I’ve wanted to share this for a very long time but I’m not great with vulnerability and this post actually makes me want to crawl into a hole once I publish it but, taking another page from Nia-Cerise, transparency is a powerful tool against the enemy’s schemes against us.
I’ll end this by saying, anyone struggling with pride and envy, dont let that seed grow but instead let the Holy Spirit lead you back to truth every time. And ALWAYS remember that Jesus is THE standard.
Resting in the finished works of Christ,