T.R.’s story is really one of great transformation out of what was a painful past. From being told her dad wanted her aborted to virginity checks to rape to depression to same-sex relation, sharing her story was exceptionally brave because she held nothing back and kept it all the way real! And to crown it off, she found Jesus who set her completely free from her past and made her whole again. I pray this blesses and sets someone unbelievably free!
I made the firm decision to follow Christ (properly) in 2013. No forceful ushering from my mother this time to answer an alter call. I just decided in my heart that I need to be serious & I haven’t looked back since.
Growing up, I moved around A LOT. When I was 5, my mother moved my siblings and I from my dad’s house to another country for reasons I still find hard to understand. After that, we moved around countless times & I ended up attending about 11 primary schools due to constant relocation.
At the age of 6, I found out I had an older sister that was coming to live with us. When she came, she wasn’t treated like a human and she often reflected how she was treated upon me and my sisters. She would often be forced to sleep naked in our shed and of course given any opportunity, she took out her rage on us through many forms of torture (I was delighted when she finally ran away). This, coupled with the fact that I often forgot what my dad looked like & being spitefully told at a young age that my father wanted to have me aborted, I developed serious issues of acceptance and belonging. I longed to be accepted by everybody and anybody who would accept me.
My mother never brought us up in church & she usually practiced Islam so I didn’t really have any knowledge of Christ. By the end of primary school, I found myself smoking cigarettes & getting into stupid fights. Once I started secondary school, I finally found a group of friends to accept me. I didn’t realise how I began to lose myself (the self that I never found in the first place). I participated in theft with them, ditched school with them, went to parties with them and returned home at unreasonable times. My mother and I always fought over the friends I kept, she even went all the way as to do a “virginity check” on me as she ripped my clothes apart in front of my little sisters one day after a party. She would frequently ask me if I was pregnant even though I was still a virgin, she would try to feel my stomach to make sure, but she never gave me a lecture about sex.
Depression even found its way in my life, leading me to cutting my wrists. By the time I was 16 I had been involved with multiple guys just for acceptance and for the sake of finding love (clearly in the wrong places). There was even a point in time where, with the help of my friend, I tried to find Jesus. I tried to go to church but my mum wasn’t happy about it. I remember after any Christian youth conference, she would find any reason to complain & dampen my spirit.
At 17, I lost my virginity by rape (which he apologised for soon after). My acceptance complex made me stay with this guy for two years in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship (all the people I loved and who were supposed to love me back frequently did it, so why not?). He would only show that he cared about me when I was not behaving, so I made sure I was misbehaving. I found myself cheating frequently for the thrill, just to get him to “love me more” and also as an act of revenge for him cheating on me. I had even started smoking weed. I was killing myself in all possible ways but I just didn’t know it.
One day, after a lot of encouragement I finally freed myself from the relationship. At some point during this stage, my mother fully gave her life to Christ and started going to church & bringing us too. I was still half in half out, going to parties, having same sex relations and even bringing weed to church. My final deciding point had to have been when I attacked somebody at a party for making me angry. After that day I became extremely ill with menorrhagia, the medication I was given to cure it made me worse, I lost a lot of weight and I couldn’t continue university. I started having recurring dreams about myself as a child, unclothed and homeless, being chased by people who wanted to kill me. In this dream, my older self would clothe, feed and keep my younger self from harm’s way. I knew the dream was significant and that it was a warning, I took heed and life started turning around from that point onwards.
I decided to relocate and start university all over again in another country. I learned that the only acceptance I really needed was from God through Jesus Christ. I was able to forgive those that hurt me, I found true love that I never experienced before, I accepted myself and accepted my past mistakes. I was even blessed with special friends who were rooted in Christ and a church that allowed the youth to serve God in many ways. God opened many doors for me that I know I am not worthy of but His grace made it so. I learned my true identity in Christ, I figured out who I am even in the midst of my past mistakes and I’ve been set free from my past, from my sin, from my hurt, pain and indeed set free from my guilt and shame.
No matter who you are or what you have done, believe with all your might that Christ can set you free.
#NoteFromSteph: We don’t share these stories just for sharing sake but we share them to show what life before and after Christ is like for many people all over. If this story or any other stories you’ve read on The COMING-TO-CHRIST Stories Project has inspired and encouraged you to give this God-life a chance, please feel free to contact us here and we’d be more than happy [and feel exceptionally honoured] to be the ones to hold your hand as you make a decision to give your life and heart to Jesus Christ in exchange for REAL LOVE, REAL PEACE and REAL JOY! If you’re still on the fence, that’s okay too! Comment or private message us with your quessies/concerns because they are all valid.